First draft feedback

First draft feedback

Following the presentation of our first draft, we received some suggestions on how to improve our trailer, these include: using better music, faster shots, make it less chronological, don't use the scream at the end, don't use the report at the start and use inter-titles (e.g. Scariest night of your life).

We need to use faster shots in order to make it feel more like a trailer; at the moment a lot of our shots are too drawn out - especially towards the start -  which isn't suitable for a (thriller) trailer. The faster shots will also make it more exciting. This is also somewhat related to the fact that it is too chronological; it could give too much of the story away.

We were also told not to use the report at the start of the trailer, but instead to use it somewhere else. This is used in the trailer for The Snowman, the start is somewhat slow paced and follows a woman who presumably gets kidnapped, this is then followed by the news report.

In addition, we need to use music. We currently have a track that is used to build up tension by gradually increasing in volume. We did plan on using some music, but forgot to add it during editing.

Also, we were told to use inter-titles. The inter-titles could be used to draw interest to the film, one suggestion was to use something like "The scariest night of your life". They could also be used to provide information such as: release date (which we've done), reviews, etc.

Sharpie - First draft (Link)

First draft

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-qfQHDB8G8

Sharpie - Characters

Characters

The characters in our film consist of: four young adults (two boys and two girls) and a killer.

These protagonists are somewhat stereotypical for a thriller film as shown in the The Last House on the left. The main protagonist is a young adult who meets up with her friend of a similar age. The friend then gets killed off which is also similar to our film where only one of the main protagonists is killed. The characters from TLHOTL are also stereotypical teenagers; the reason they are captured is because a boy promises drugs, our characters are shown to enjoy alcohol as one of the first times they are shown is in the pub.

The protagonists are going to be wearing normal clothes expected of a teenager/young adult to make it feel more realistic, this could create quite an eerie atmosphere as the antagonist is quite sadistic, and if the viewer can relate to the characters then they will feel what the characters are feeling towards Sharpie. They will also, act like the stereotype - a lot of teenage films focus on relationships which is a key paradigm of the teenage/young adult demographic. As a result, we want to imply that the characters may be in a relationship but not make it too explicit as it is not a key convention of thrillers.

The antagonist (Sharpie) will be dressed in all black (and maybe wear a mask). The colour black has many connotations, including: danger, death, fear, etc. These are things we want people to relate Sharpie with. The colour black is also a key paradigm of thrillers; in the trailer for V for Vendetta, the masked man is shown to wear all black, and a white mask (the black draws attention to the mask, which is his defining feature). He will also use a knife rather than guns or other weapons. We wanted him to use a knife because it needs more skill, the masked man also prefers to use knives to guns. The fact that it takes more skill connotes that Sharpie (and the masked man) is more dangerous.

Changes to bird's eye view

Changes to bird's eye view

Unfortunately, there was an issue with recording with the drone we had initially planned to use for a bird's eye view of the school. We were unable to retrieve the files that the clip was saved on, meaning we had to improvise. Fortunately, we were allowed access to the roof of the sixth form center, which grants a view of the whole school. Following this, we used a panning shot crossed with a bird's eye view to capture the entire school and part of the field, which we felt was important because it is where the narrative takes place, and it allowed us to demonstrate this.

Changes to pub scene

Changes to pub scene

We were originally going to introduce the characters by having them drinking together in a pub, but we decided to remove this from our first draft due to the difficulty of filming in there. Whilst the pub said it would be ok to film there, they weren't open on the days that were convenient for us/when all of the actors were free. As a result we decided to remove it, we would like to use it in the final product. If we were to include it in the draft we felt as though it would've come off as rushed or not to a high quality.

Changes to production company logo

Changes to production company logo

Originally our film company logo was this:

Initially, we wanted to have a scrunched up paper background but, most logos have a black background behind them, for example: MGM, Capital films, Touchstone films, etc. The white, scrunched up paper therefore, looked a bit out of place. We then thought about making the paper black, but it didn't resemble paper anymore, and made it look quite weird.

As our logo was a mixture of all of our names, following one of the members leaving we decided to change it again. We changed it to "Stak" (a mixture of Adam's last name and my first name). I personally prefer this to the older designs; the word "Stak" is very similar to existing words. This may cause people to think of our company when they see a word that resembles it, making it more popular. Also, the fact that it is not an actual word makes it unique for us and allows us to stand out more. We did keep the design, as we liked the idea of the old contrasting with the black however.

Sharpie - News report

Sharpie - News report

This is the news report that we are going to use at the start of our trailer. It explains that someone died last night, the next scene will then be a shot of the young adults together, connoting that it was one of them who died.