First draft feedback

First draft feedback

Following the presentation of our first draft, we received some suggestions on how to improve our trailer, these include: using better music, faster shots, make it less chronological, don't use the scream at the end, don't use the report at the start and use inter-titles (e.g. Scariest night of your life).

We need to use faster shots in order to make it feel more like a trailer; at the moment a lot of our shots are too drawn out - especially towards the start -  which isn't suitable for a (thriller) trailer. The faster shots will also make it more exciting. This is also somewhat related to the fact that it is too chronological; it could give too much of the story away.

We were also told not to use the report at the start of the trailer, but instead to use it somewhere else. This is used in the trailer for The Snowman, the start is somewhat slow paced and follows a woman who presumably gets kidnapped, this is then followed by the news report.

In addition, we need to use music. We currently have a track that is used to build up tension by gradually increasing in volume. We did plan on using some music, but forgot to add it during editing.

Also, we were told to use inter-titles. The inter-titles could be used to draw interest to the film, one suggestion was to use something like "The scariest night of your life". They could also be used to provide information such as: release date (which we've done), reviews, etc.

Sharpie - First draft (Link)

First draft

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-qfQHDB8G8

Sharpie - Characters

Characters

The characters in our film consist of: four young adults (two boys and two girls) and a killer.

These protagonists are somewhat stereotypical for a thriller film as shown in the The Last House on the left. The main protagonist is a young adult who meets up with her friend of a similar age. The friend then gets killed off which is also similar to our film where only one of the main protagonists is killed. The characters from TLHOTL are also stereotypical teenagers; the reason they are captured is because a boy promises drugs, our characters are shown to enjoy alcohol as one of the first times they are shown is in the pub.

The protagonists are going to be wearing normal clothes expected of a teenager/young adult to make it feel more realistic, this could create quite an eerie atmosphere as the antagonist is quite sadistic, and if the viewer can relate to the characters then they will feel what the characters are feeling towards Sharpie. They will also, act like the stereotype - a lot of teenage films focus on relationships which is a key paradigm of the teenage/young adult demographic. As a result, we want to imply that the characters may be in a relationship but not make it too explicit as it is not a key convention of thrillers.

The antagonist (Sharpie) will be dressed in all black (and maybe wear a mask). The colour black has many connotations, including: danger, death, fear, etc. These are things we want people to relate Sharpie with. The colour black is also a key paradigm of thrillers; in the trailer for V for Vendetta, the masked man is shown to wear all black, and a white mask (the black draws attention to the mask, which is his defining feature). He will also use a knife rather than guns or other weapons. We wanted him to use a knife because it needs more skill, the masked man also prefers to use knives to guns. The fact that it takes more skill connotes that Sharpie (and the masked man) is more dangerous.

Changes to bird's eye view

Changes to bird's eye view

Unfortunately, there was an issue with recording with the drone we had initially planned to use for a bird's eye view of the school. We were unable to retrieve the files that the clip was saved on, meaning we had to improvise. Fortunately, we were allowed access to the roof of the sixth form center, which grants a view of the whole school. Following this, we used a panning shot crossed with a bird's eye view to capture the entire school and part of the field, which we felt was important because it is where the narrative takes place, and it allowed us to demonstrate this.

Changes to pub scene

Changes to pub scene

We were originally going to introduce the characters by having them drinking together in a pub, but we decided to remove this from our first draft due to the difficulty of filming in there. Whilst the pub said it would be ok to film there, they weren't open on the days that were convenient for us/when all of the actors were free. As a result we decided to remove it, we would like to use it in the final product. If we were to include it in the draft we felt as though it would've come off as rushed or not to a high quality.

Changes to production company logo

Changes to production company logo

Originally our film company logo was this:

Initially, we wanted to have a scrunched up paper background but, most logos have a black background behind them, for example: MGM, Capital films, Touchstone films, etc. The white, scrunched up paper therefore, looked a bit out of place. We then thought about making the paper black, but it didn't resemble paper anymore, and made it look quite weird.

As our logo was a mixture of all of our names, following one of the members leaving we decided to change it again. We changed it to "Stak" (a mixture of Adam's last name and my first name). I personally prefer this to the older designs; the word "Stak" is very similar to existing words. This may cause people to think of our company when they see a word that resembles it, making it more popular. Also, the fact that it is not an actual word makes it unique for us and allows us to stand out more. We did keep the design, as we liked the idea of the old contrasting with the black however.

Sharpie - News report

Sharpie - News report

This is the news report that we are going to use at the start of our trailer. It explains that someone died last night, the next scene will then be a shot of the young adults together, connoting that it was one of them who died.

Sharpie - Props

Props

There aren't a lot of props that we are going to need, the main one we are going to need is the knife (or other sharp weapon). This will be somewhat difficult to bring into a school environment. However, as we are filming after school (where there won't be many children), this should hopefully be less of a problem. An alternative - safer - option would be to use fake props, however, this would be costly (as none of us own realistic looking, fake knives). In the trailer for V for Vendetta, the masked man is shown to use knives a lot, even though he has a wide variety of weapons, he still uses predominately knives. This could be as knives take more skill to use, in comparison to something like a gun, due o the user needing to get close to the victim - this therefore emphasises the fact that the masked man is a highly skilled "assassin". Alternatively, it could be because knives could be seen as more fear inducing than guns; most people own a knife (meaning anyone could use one), and the fact that the user needs to get close makes them seem more threatening also.

We will also need to use phones, whilst not a key paradigm of thrillers, they are an identifying feature of our target audience and main characters. The fact that the main characters are so concerned with their phones could also play a part in attracting our audience as a result of the main characters being more relatable. The proof behind teens/young adults being obsessed with phones mainly comes from my research on teen angst films where technology is used a lot, e.g: the opening for Clueless takes place inside of a computer which is commonly associated with our target demographic.

Similar to phones, we will need "alcohol" due to its association with our demographic. We will likely not use actual alcohol due to most of the cast being underage, as a result we will use drinks that look like alcohol. The alcohol sets up the narrative; it connotes that the protagonists may be drunk, implying that they aren't capable of thinking for themselves - leading them to break into the school and get trapped. Alcohol is similar to phones where it is not widely used in thrillers, but is used in teen angsts where a majority of the cast are teens/young adults, for example: one scene in Mean Girls involves the main protagonist throwing a party and getting drunk, which is very stereotypical of teens.

Sharpie - Settings

Settings

Our film is primarily going to take place in and around a school (Longsands Academy). We have chosen this setting as it fits in with the idea of our story, where a group of teenagers/young adults decide to break into somewhere. We thought a school would be suitable for this as, the protagonists are around the age of 18-20 which would mean they are past the school leaving age. This would imply that they have recent memories of the location as they may have attended the school.

We plan to film in different locations throughout the school, as part of our research we found that suspenseful scenes take place in places where the characters can hide as it makes it easier for the antagonist to jump out at them. An example of this is at the start of the trailer for V for vendetta where a woman gets jumped by two men as she is wondering through a small alleyway. Whilst we were looking around the school for possible locations, these were the ones we thought made for good hiding places:

They mainly consist of small alcoves surrounded by walls or corridors/isles. This means that the protagonist's vision will be impaired, making it easier for the antagonist to sneak up on them - making for better, more action-packed scenes.

We also tried to look for entrances to the school where it made sense (and was believable) for the protagonists to be able to sneak into.

On top of filming in the school, we would also like to film in areas around the school; this gives the situation a greater sense of urgency as the situation has now spread to other areas. As a result, it would likely be suitable for a finale where the antagonist and protagonist(s) face off against each other, which would make for a lot of action packed shots (in the montage)

There were also some other locations we though would look good (in the montage):

We felt this corridor would be useful for showing Sharpie's somewhat sadistic character, as we could have him standing at the bottom of the corridor, weapon in hand, and with the lights flickering on and off. This makes him seem creepy as the dark is associated with danger, and the flickering lights could play on the viewer's feelings of safety (when they are turned on); when they are turned off the sense of safety disappears. This is also somewhat similar to a scene in the clip for V for Vendetta, where the masked man is shown to be stood in a secluded place, with others (the antagonists) around him.

This is one of the wood/design technology classrooms. We felt this would be a very effective and suitable location to film in as a lot of the machinery can be very dangerous which is a key feature of Sharpie's character. It could be very useful in the montage with non-diegetic tool/machinery sounds which connotes that Sharpie has decided to use the machinery as weapons.

The use of the stage would work similar to the corridor, where it is used to emphasise Sharpie's character. An idea we had was to have Sharpie stood on the stage with the lights shone onto him which makes him appear as the most important in the scene.

This is the pub we are planning on filming in. We wanted to film in a pub as a lot of young adults are shown to enjoy going to the pub. The way we are going to film it is that after the news report, the protagonists are shown drinking together. We did this because thriller trailers usually start with a case of urgency, followed by establishing the narrative. This is used to an extent with the trailer for The Snowman; it starts with a woman walking down a street, followed by a scream, and then cuts to the main protagonists who are detectives.